At times I fall so deep and I wonder where would God take me back. You know when you are young Christianity it is so easy. Then you grow up and the temptations line up, waiting to have a go at you. At times you feel like the world is shouting and laughing at you. 'You are no better.'
'You failed.'
The world has used you and made a mockery of all you believe in. At that moment its so hard to pray because God feels so far away. Because you feel like people like you should not be Christian. My favourite songs says: -
In those moments of torment, you cannot stand, all you can do is crawl weakly to the throne of God.
They are moments of utter despair and loneliness. David said: -
As a deer pants for water
So my souls thirsts for you o God
My soul thirsts for God for the living God
When can I come and behold the face of God
My tears have been my food
While men say to me all day long
Where is your God...
Why are you downcast oh my soul?
Why so disturbed within me
Put your hope in God for I will yet praise Him
MY saviour and my God
My soul is downcast within me
and so I will remember you
From the heights of Hermon
to Mt. Mizar
Deep calls to deep at the roar of your waterfalls
All your waves and breakers have swept over me
At night the Lord commands His love...
I say to the Lord my God
Why have you forsaken me
Why must I go about mourning
Oppressed by the enemy
My bones suffer mortal agony
As my foes say to me all day long
Where is your God?
Often this is the prayer after you fall away from God and you realise that you love God but you are not sure you should be a Christian.
When you are put in compromising situations at work and if you feel like if you do not do it, then you will lose your job.
I realise that no matter how far you fall or the tempations that you find yourself in. You must always remember that God says: -
You know you are loved when you are loved at your worst. Yes you will fall and you will feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders but you can always pray to God to move from places that compromise your faith. You can also pray that the Lord makes you restless when you are in sin. I discovered that in God there is no fear. You can be a little afraid but when God gives you the courage to walk away from situations in this life. It will be the most amazing thing in your life.
The song love me anyway by Sidewalk Prophets reminds me that Jesus loves me anyway.
Let go of that job! The one that makes you corrupt
Let go of that relationship! The one that is not of God
Let go of those friends! Who are leading you astray
Let God restore you to the place where you were.
Photos: courtesy
